I seem to be "disciplining" my students a lot lately, for lack of a better term. Since I work at a Quaker school, we don't really discipline in the most common form of the word. It's more of "Let's talk about what happened and try to figure out solutions." One of my kids is dealing with anger issues. One is dealing with some sort of unidentified emotional turmoil. One is dealing with hyperactivity and attention issues. Several are dealing with learning differences (known as learning disabilities in the old days). Me? I'm dealing with a divorce, a new living situation, intermittent loneliness, and occasional bursts of anger and frustration.
When my kids have these issues, we talk them through. The parents come in and we figure out whether they might need therapy, testing, medication, self-discipline, or just a good smack (kidding. . . mostly). The parents at my school are awesome. They are so committed to giving their children the best that they can, and they bleed, sweat, and cry over their child's pain way more than the child does. They ask me what I think. They ask how they can help. They take second jobs to pay for tutoring or psychotherapy.
But who is doing this for me? I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm doing pretty well lately. But every time I have a parent-teacher conference, a little part of me wishes that several people from my life would have a conference about me and figure out what the hell to do to solve my problems. I guess you're supposed to do that on your own as an adult.
There's this sense that I'm not really supposed to struggle with the same things that my kids do. I say "It's ok to feel angry, but we don't hit." Except when we do. I say, "I understand that you have a lot going on, but you need to find a way to do your homework and fulfill your responsibilities." Yeah, like I do that.
I have hit people. Sometimes I feel so angry that I want to scream and run out of the school building and call my parents and ask them to come pick me up. But I can't tell that to the student who did that today. Because I am the picture of calm. Of maturity. Of self-assuredness. Hmm, these kids are in trouble with me.
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5 comments:
It's called life, and that is why you are teaching your kids how to handle it in the best way possible. We don't grow out of life, and we all experience the emotions and outbursts we did as kids. The hope is to learn how to stem the tide, and find the best possible solutions. Sometimes we don't want to face the real problem because we don't really want to change, or admit that the way we are doing things might not be the best - in fact, it could be hurting us.
The great thing is Mel, you get to be real with these kids, telling them and showing them that you deal with all of the junk they do, maybe just under different circumstances. That no one grows up perfect or has it all together. We all just do the best we can, trying to be loving, kind, gentle, selfless, etc.
Oh, and I'll tell you want to do to solve your problems (hehe) ;)
Just kidding. Our problems certainly won't be solved in this world.
You have an award from me on my blog...come and get it!
Thanks for the award! I'm not sure what to do with it though. . . am I supposed to copy and paste it into a blog entry? And I sadly don't have anyone to pass it on to, because the only blogs I read are yours and (said in a whisper-) THE WIFE'S. And I certainly don't want to give her an award - or it would be called something very, very different. :) So do I just bask in the praise?
Yep, you can just bask in the praise! Or you can answer the questions, just for fun, and put the award on your sidebar to show everyone how totally popular you are! :) You just click on the pic, save it in your pics, and then upload to blogger in your sidebar under customize, add a pic.
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