anger

I know I said I wasn't going to blog anymore. Maybe that lost me some readers, but that's ok. It's ok if no one ever reads this again. I only write it for me anyway, and I don't like the way that many people have chosen to judge me as a result of some entries.

Lately, I have been so angry. Angry at my bandmates because I'm having trouble with a few songs for our upcoming gig. Angry at my roommates for being in my space. Angry at my boyfriend for not being exactly what I want him to be at every moment. Angry at my co-workers for working too hard and making me look bad. Angry at my mom for not understanding who I am becoming. Angry at the stupid guys on the street who call out at me. Angry at my husband for daring to still be kind and caring to me. Angry at my boss for not paying me more. Angry at the girl I bought a mattress from because it's shitty and she didn't tell me that. Angry at my bank for charging me for my overdrafts. Angry at the Munich hospital for charging me much more than I anticipated for my visit. Angry at the rats and cockroaches that scurry across my sidewalk for being dirty. Angry at the mosquitoes that bite me. I'm just angry.

I learned once that anger results from a blocked goal. I have a lot of blocked goals right now. I don't want this mundanity. It's never enough. But I also know that I usually get angry when I don't want to be vulnerable. As soon as I start feeling a little exposed, I cover it up with anger like a protective coating of scotch guard. ARGH!