I'm supposed to be packing up my apartment right now, because I'm moving to a new place in the city tomorrow. But it's 10:30, and I haven't packed a thing. Instead, I've been looking through old documents and photos on my computer, like a virtual memory box. This computer is only 5 years old (I know, that's ancient in computer land), but the stuff I found saved in it truly feels like another lifetime. The first photo above is me trying on my wedding dress in the shop for the first time. I'm enthralled. The second one is my old cat, Marx. I brought her home from the shelter one day in an effort to fill the gap that was ever-widening between my husband and me. It didn't work. She had to go back to the shelter. Unfortunately, sometimes cats (and people) get hurt in separations. The last photo is me with my first class at the school where I teach. We are on a science field trip on the Chesapeake Bay.
Among the old word documents I unearthed were:
- a 3-year-old letter to my cable company over a billing discrepancy - it was pretty heated (oh the things I used to have energy for)
- a 2 year-old letter to my health insurance fighting for a surgery that they initially denied (I won)
- both my and my husband's wedding vows (that was a fun one to read)
- a mortgage application (another thing we threw at our marriage in vain attempt to bridge that damn gap)
- a recipe for my mom's vegetable soup
- a parking ticket appeal (I've spent a little too much time fighting the man)
What a random smattering of shit from all aspects of my life - from the most mundane to the most influential. Why do we keep these things? I'm feeling unbelievably existential tonight. Technically, I quit my job today. I told my boss that I just can't come back. And this was after he offered me this lead teaching position. But he wants me to sleep on it and call him tomorrow morning. I don't know what I'll do. And I don't really want any advice, as well-meaning as it may be. I've got to figure this one out on my own.
3 comments:
No, you don't have to go back to work! At least not there. There are the realities of putting a roof over your head and food in your belly. But, there are ways to do it without feeling trapped. There is quite a market for tutors in the dc metro area. There's quite a market for teachers of english language in many countries. There is a lot of inspiration out there. You're talent, spirited, young, and beautiful - the world is yours. There ill be schools who need teachers when you decide you want to go back.
Aw, thank you! Although I have decided to give it this one last year, I so appreciate your words of support. Not that it matters, but do I know you?
Hmmm . . . do you know me? I guess I have wondered about that for the past year. My conclusion - you know the me that I put out there in my professional role. You used to know that me quite well, silly. I worked quite hard to get your talented ass to come to FCS!
Do you know me beyond that - probably not so well.
Your welcome - and there aren't many choices that you could make that I couldn't support!
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