letting go

I am rapidly nearing the end of my trip. I have 2 days of bus travel through Munich and Paris, then I fly home. I can't help but become rather introspective at this point. People always ask you the questions, "What was the best part of your trip?" and "What was your favorite place?" and "What have you learned?" Well, the best part of my trip is this second, and I would give that answer at any time I was asked. My favorite place is where I am right now, which is always how I've felt. And as for what I've learned, well. . . wow. Here's one thing: I've learned how to let go.

I've always been a bit of a clinger. I have a habit of finding things or people that I love and holding on to them for dear life. I wrap my fingers around them and squeeze, doing everything in my power to make sure they never leave me. I guess it goes back to that control thing again. I think, "My life would be so empty without ________." What an uncertain existence. What an unstable place to pin your contentment. I don't know why I felt like I had to own something for it to bring me happiness.

When travelling like this, it is impossible to cling to things. The second you fall in love with a city, it's time to leave. Everyone you meet will eventually move on to a new place, and there's a very good chance you'll never see them again. You leave your comforts and familiarities at home, and are in a constant state of adaptation. Every time I see a beautiful sight, I want to take a picture to be sure I never forget how it looked. But is that really how it looked? Will that photo show me how the air smelled, or what my friend was saying next to me when I took it? Will it show how I felt or remind me of the sounds at the time? When I really feel connected to place, I immediately think, I have to come back here again. But why? Why don't I just say, I'm so grateful to be here now, instead of planning my next trip here? And finally, the people. I have met so many amazing people who have inspired me, challenged me, and just plain made me laugh. I always get their email addresses and we talk of visiting each other or travelling together in the future. But will those things really happen? Does it matter? Does having a thing again make it more worthwhile than just having it once?

So as I prepare to return to my "real" life at home, I am pondering these questions. I hope I can continue to let my favorite place be the place where my feet are planted this second. And no matter how many wonderful people I meet, this trip has shown me that my favorite person is still me.